wrote a letter to my sister after not coming home last night.
gender is hard.
families are hard.
I want you to know something: The thing yesterday was much bigger than what happend with us. There is other stuff going on. I have been thinking hard about how to help you understand why I am so fragile sometimes. There is this quote, “I fight just to keep the fighting away,” that is how I feel always. I end up putting so much energy into trying to keep myself safe and ok I have trouble putting down my fists and I think I might take it out on you sometimes. But you need to understand. The only reason I try to talk to you about any of this stupid, hard, complicated stuff is because more than anything I want you on my side. I think you are so smart and so kind and I love you so much and I dont think you know that. I just need to be safe and comfortable and at home somewhere and sometimes that place is not our house.
